Dark nights and mornings

Hey.  It’s me again.  Just wanted to stop by and check in.  It’s been a couple of weeks since my last post.  So many of you have reached out, sent prayers, well wishes, and expressed deep concern and for all that, I am so very grateful.

It feels good to be loved.  Not to just assume you’re loved, but to know it in the moment when you need to know it most.  To have had your heart just kind of explode out of your chest…and then to look down and see your friends scrambling around gathering up all the pieces off the ground.  You guys.  I love you all dearly.  Every single one of you.

I’ve learned a couple of things in the last couple weeks.  One is that when I need help, I just have to ask.  Two days before I wrote that last post, I felt lower than I think I may have ever been.  So low that I scared myself a little.  The amazing thing though is that when I shared what was happening with me and people reached out…many with stories of their own struggles with depression and anxiety…suddenly the pit didn’t seem as deep as it had been and I knew for sure that I wasn’t alone.  Not even a little bit.  It was a jarring realization, but in a good way.  It’s like all the sadness lost a little bit of its power.

Also?  Sometimes good days stay good and sometimes they go crappy.  And sometimes crappy days stay crappy, but sometimes they go good.  Either way though, until tomorrows run out, every dark night will have a morning.  And each morning brings a new day.  Maybe it’s a crappy day.  Maybe it’s a good one.  But it’s still a new one.  And if you got to the new day, it means you got through the yesterday and well, even just getting through is still progress.  Every tomorrow morning that closes out the night is a victory.

So anyhow, while I’m in a better frame of mind than I was two weeks ago, I still have a lot to work through and a lot of changes that need to be made, but wow.  How blessed I am to have such an incredible group of people to walk along with me in the mess.  xo

 

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