I’ve been in a bit of a funk today. I hate it when I get like this. I can’t offer any solid explanation really. Nothing has happened that has caused me to feel this way. So I don’t know really what to do to undo it.
Well that might not be true completely. I do know one thing that helps when I get like this…solitude. Being able to just be still and quiet. Actually that’s really not even enough. It’s more like being able to be still and quiet at the feet of Jesus. Because there is a difference. I can sit in a quiet dark room and get lost in my own thoughts or just not think at all. That’s being alone. I can go to the park by myself and read a book, but that’s still really not solitude. Solitude is less about the alone part and really not so much about the still, quiet part either.
It’s more about coming before the Throne of Grace with an open heart ready to listen to my Beloved’s voice. Because His voice is like the sweetest honey.
It’s more about opening my mouth, not to speak, but to drink in His living water. Because His living water quenches the deepest thirst.
There is so much noise in this world…sometimes I feel as if I have gone spiritually deaf. I know God is speaking. He speaks even when He is silent. It’s just so hard to hear Him above the loudness of life. Not just the tv and the phone. Not just the computer and the traffic. Not just my kids and my job. But even above my own voice. Above my own thoughts that swirl around in my head…things to do, bills to pay, weight to lose, fears to overcome, people to please. It all piles up and before I know it, I feel myself buckling underneath. I’m angry. I’m frustrated. I want to cry but can’t thanks to my stupid antidepressant.
And that’s when I know it’s time.
It’s time to put all that down for a little while and run to Him.
To lay my head in His lap while He strokes my hair with His beautiful, nail-scarred hand.
To hide myself in the folds of His garment.
To not think, not talk, not try…
But to just listen as He speaks
And He restores my soul.
Yes, that is what my soul craves.
And in the midst of the noise and the fears and the doubts and the loudness…I hear Him calling.
My Beloved speaks and says to me:
“Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away…”
Song of Songs 2:13
And I can hardly wait for the moment…for the solitude.
And I’ll bet He’s whispering to you too…