I am so unorganized. I mean like reeeeaaaally unorganized. It isn’t that I WANT to be this way. In fact, I really hate that I am this way. I’ve tried to change. I rearrange the pantry and within a few days, it’s a mess all over again. I’ve made up a “bill notebook” and put all my bills in there according to due dates as they come in the mail, but by the next month I’ve already forgotten to use it. I clean off my kitchen table and within a week it looks the same…piles of mail, books, magazines, school work, etc. See, I operate on the pile system. I figure if it’s in a pile and the pile is neatly stacked…well.
Now before you start conjuring a scene from “Hoarders” in your mind, just know that I am not THAT bad. I mean, even I get to a place where my piles get on my own nerves and I end up having to square it all away a little better, but I still end up with piles…just smaller ones.
My husband is just as unorganized as I am. Only he’s not a pile-er. He’s a cram-er. His idea of organized is to take everything off the table and cram it in a cabinet somewhere. Hey…the table’s clean. The fact that he hasn’t a clue what he put in the cabinet and within a day or two, can’t remember what cabinet he put it in is well, irrelevant really. That is until we need something that was on the table. *sigh*
I blame it on the house. Even my ten-year-old is starting to say things like, “this house just swallows stuff up!!” Hmmm. So blaming it on the house maybe wasn’t the best approach but I had to blame it on something. I blame it on my husband a lot too, but he argues back. At least the house just takes its blame and keeps quiet about it.
There are other things about myself that just make me crazy as well. Like the fact that I seldom stick with anything I start. Well maybe not “anything” because there are things that I do and continue to do, but many things that are very important to me like losing weight, exercising, writing, or practicing guitar to name a few are things that I just totally fall off the wagon on. I think that’s also why I’m a pile-er. I start out full force ready to clean my house or get in shape or finish that novel I’ve been working on for ten years but then part of the way into it, I lose my gusto and just end up putting everything in a nice neat pile and that’s that. Apparently, it’s just too hard for me to keep going.
I remember someone once telling me that the reason that I haven’t been able to lose weight is because I don’t want it bad enough. That it doesn’t mean enough to me to get on a diet and stay on it, they said. Well that was encouraging.
Is this some sort of sickness? Some lack of firing of the synapses in my brain that render me incapable of completion? Or is it truly that I just don’t care that much? It doesn’t feel like I don’t care. In fact, it feels like I care quite a bit and therefore am incredibly frustrated with myself.
My friend Mary Kathryn posted a blog recently on her sweet dog who has momentary lapses of sweetness and in her blog she addressed that issue Paul had. You know the one where he did all the stuff he didn’t want to do and for the life of him, couldn’t force himself to do some of the stuff he wanted to do (Romans 7:14-20)? Well at least I know I’m not the only one.
So my question (that I have asked on many occasions) then is, what do you do about a Romans 7:14-20 complex? How do you fix it? Can you fix it? I’m so tired of that Christianese cliché “just give it to God.” That sounds real spiritual and all, but what does that look like exactly? How does one “give” something to God? I’ve offered it to Him many times, I assure you. Either I just don’t know what I’m doing or else He doesn’t want it either! ha!
What are your thoughts? Do you have something you’ve wanted to get rid of about yourself but it still keeps on hanging around? Or maybe there’s something that’s been conquered in your life that had this sort of grip on you. How’d you do it? Do tell…
We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin.
I do not understand what I do.
For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.
As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.
For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.
For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.
For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do
—this I keep on doing.
Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it,
but it is sin living in me that does it.