Still speechless apparently.

My last blog was entitled “Speechless” and well, apparently I was rendered more speechless than I realized.  I have found that in the times I have sat at this computer in the last few days that I literally have not had one coherant thought that was enough to be able to convey to you.  It’s not that I haven’t thought anything.  It’s not that I don’t have a million things to say about God.  Gosh, if you’d let me, I could fill your ear all day long about how wonderful He is and how absolutely head over heels in love with Him I am.  I guess it’s just been that I couldn’t seem to put words to all the stuff floating around in my head.  I just couldn’t come up with a way to say what I wanted to say, which for me is terribly unusual seeing as how I usually have a hard time shutting up.

God has just had me in a “state of awe.”  I have caught just a glimpse of His glory and have been struck so dumbfounded by it, that I can’t do anything but stand there with my mouth gapped open…in a continuous state of blown-away-ness.  I have encountered God in ways recently that are new and truly astounding to me…of course, not new to Him so much.  He’s always been this way.  It’s that I’m only just now in my walk with Him really beginning to know Him.  I’m finding that I’m no longer satisfied with the top layer of God.  Not that the top layer of God isn’t amazing!  There’s nothing about Him that isn’t amazing really, and there’s no way we will ever in this life comprehend the vastness and the magnitude of the All-Sufficient One but there’s so much more to God than just the surface religion we sometimes like to stick with.  Although it really is easier that way, right?  As long as we don’t go too deep with God, maybe He won’t expect anything from us that we aren’t prepared to give.  But the expectations of surface religion are nowhere near what God’s completed plan looks like for you and me.

I have spent much of my “surface life” waiting for God to meet my expectations and many times He didn’t.  But not because He wasn’t able to.  In fact, it was just the opposite.  I had set my expectations way too low and God refused to stoop to my level.  He wanted abundantly more for me than I could have wanted for myself.  I was ready to just settle for the next best thing in so many areas of my life, but He wouldn’t allow it.  So I just continued to suffer through all the unnecessary pain and problems of  the next best thing, thinking foolishly that “less than” was surely better than risking the agony of “wanting more.”  (See I told you my thoughts weren’t very coherant.  Hope that bit made a little sense.)

Well, God revealed something to me today that really just about did me in…I mean in a good way though.  (I’ll save that story for another day.)  It was like a total ah-ha moment on top of all the ah-ha moments I’ve had recently.  I had an opportunity to see clearly what it was I had at one time accused God of withholding from me and found myself overwhelmed at how precious my heart is to Him and how He absolutely refused to bless something in my life that would have torn me apart.  I didn’t see it then…He however did.  But here I am going into the story I said I wouldn’t tell just yet.  Moving on…

So let me ask you…when’s the last time you found yourself in an state of awe of God?  Have you stopped and taken a moment to really look at Him?  To search Him out?  Or are you living on the surface, afraid to go deep, afraid of what that might mean for your life?  I’ll tell you a secret…I’m kinda scared myself about going deep with God.  I mean, He asks us to do some pretty hard things sometimes.  But they are never without purpose.  Your Beloved will never allow you to hurt just for the sake of wounding you.  His love for you burns way too strong for that.    And if there’s ever been anything in your life worth diving into deep, I can assure you it’s Him.  Go on.  Jump in…

You are an endless ocean, a bottomless sea.


2 thoughts on “Still speechless apparently.

  1. “So I just continued to suffer through all the unnecessary pain and problems of  the next best thing, thinking foolishly that ”less than” was surely better than risking the agony of “wanting more.”  (See I told you my thoughts weren’t very coherant.  Hope that bit made a little sense”

    Makes perfect sense. I know I have settled for “less than” even as I said I wanted more. I appreciate what you’re going through. I grew tired of the surface I scratched out a little bit of God. I am still learning to go deeper than the surface. And Ive grown to love the awe-inspiring moments.

    Many blessings for the journey!!

    • Oh good…sometimes things sound perfect in my head but then trying to put words to it either just doesn’t convey the message quite right or else it doesn’t make sense to anyone else! Ha!!

      The most astounding thing about going deep with God is that we never get to the bottom. We can always go deeper! And the settling while saying otherwise is such a good point. I’ve done that too. I almost have to wonder if that’s not something I had to do first before my heart could realize the difference.

      Blessings to you!

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